i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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