how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
