Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
