See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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