he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
