I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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