At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
