After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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