I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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