i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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