the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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