i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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