You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
