All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
