I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
