I faked an abortion last night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
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You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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