I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize