Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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