his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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