I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
