I accidentally burped into my bong.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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