So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
