omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize