I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
