Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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