I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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