That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didn't notice because vodka
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
