She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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