so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
