all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
