If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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