Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize