I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
