If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
