Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
this hospital has no fireball
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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