they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
