the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize