Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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