omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
