with your own penis?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well I just put wine in my tea
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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