Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
