If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
