i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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