i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
