Please, let me fuck your mom
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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