Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
