I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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