Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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