So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was confusing and full of hummus
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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