shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
