i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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