I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sobbing to NWA
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
