Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize