He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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