I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
