No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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