mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can text with my tongue
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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