sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
