this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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