sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
