he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
