I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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