I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
